The case against networking (plus how to do it if you must)

Advice on sending the first email, what to wear, and how to follow up.

Welcome to The Writethrough. Last week, we asked Arik Hesseldahl about using his journalistic skills to investigate his family history. This week, we’re talking networking.

I got my very first job in journalism, as an editorial assistant at a Buddhist magazine, with a cold application. But for every job I landed after that, I had the benefit of someone I knew recommending me or making sure the bosses saw my application.

So I see the absolute truth in the importance of networks for journalists, especially in an era when layoffs are frequent, open positions are hard to come by, and job postings can get taken down in a matter of days because they’re quickly swarmed by hordes of qualified applicants.

But I also think networking matters in ways that go well beyond transactional thoughts of what help we may need in the future. My friend Nalis lays out a more human understanding of what networking is really about in this week’s mini essay, which I’m betting will come as a salve to anyone who gets psychically itchy at the sight of sticky nametags. And if you’re in need of some practical advice about how to ask someone influential in your field for coffee, or how to break the ice at a networking happy hour, we got 10 media professionals to talk us through their top tips and pet peeves. One takeaway: Powerful people who are already in lots of meetings probably do not want to do lunch. — Sarah Todd

Okay, maybe nametags would have been helpful. Photo by Martin Wettstein on Unsplash

The case against networking

Okay, so here is my only networking trick: Don’t do it. As in, don’t network for networking’s sake. I just don’t think it’s a worthy way to spend your time and energy.

I am admittedly not very good at playing “career” but I have the feeling journalism as an industry is well past a point where it would pay off to make strategic connections. We are all just about one layoff away from pivoting out of media, and this makes any strategically developed connection feel particularly pointless.

What is never pointless, and never will be, is to just get to know your colleagues. Be decent. Make friends (you can interpret that term as loosely as you want)! Build a big mental Rolodex of nice people who are interesting (many, even most, journalists are) and smart.

When I got laid off last year, I reached out to anyone I could think of for help. I have been doing this job for 20 years and I know a lot of people in a lot of good places. That didn’t really help to find a job. What it did help with was having lovely chats with people I had not seen or talked to in a while, remembering how cool they are, how fun it was to work together, catching up on their lives. They were very helpful for life, which is better than employment.

Also: always help your colleagues whenever and however you can, not because they may one day help you back, but because it’s such a rare privilege to be in a position to lift someone else up, even a tiny little bit. It feels great. By the same token, always ask for help transparently when you need it because most people love to be helpful, so you’re doing it for them too, in a way.

Connect people who’d like each other and then one day maybe they’ll be drinking coffee together and have a laugh and think about you and that’s a network, I guess, that’s networking too. Maybe that’s my networking tip? — Annalisa Merelli

10 media professionals on how to network with finesse (and without dying inside)

Before you reach out

Be specific. Don’t ask to “pick my brain.” Write out a list of your questions. Look at your list of questions and see if you can find answers to them online first. Don’t ask someone something that you could have clearly found the answer to by doing basic research. — Anonymous

Don’t talk yourself out of it. I’m amazed by how many times I hear from journalists at all stages of their career who say they don’t want to reach out to someone because they’re concerned they are busy. Don’t make the decision for the person! If someone is too busy, let them set the boundary. Usually a person will be flattered and happy to take the time. But you’ll never know unless you ask. — Jackie Bischof

Introverts need to redefine what it means to network. It’s not about awkwardly approaching former colleagues or friends of friends for a referral. It’s about having genuine conversations to learn about the work others are doing and where they’re doing it. It’s a fact-finding exercise, which is something journalists naturally do well. You never need to ask about a specific role or for a favour — whoever you are speaking with knows you’re looking and will offer help if they can. — Justin Sablich

Picking a time

Ask if there’s a preferred time/day versus just putting something on someone’s calendar (even if they agreed to meet). You’ll get more out of the conversation if you’re not catching a busy person at their most stressful or intense part of the day/week. — Kira Bindrim

I constantly use “I’m sure your sked is way crazier than mine, so let me know what works for you,” even when I do not in fact think the person’s schedule is crazier than mine. Just as a signal that I know it’s an ask. — Anonymous

Let’s not do lunch

If this is an internal chat, the person would ideally be looking at my calendar and thinking specifically about when I’m free. I am actually never free. So saying can we grab lunch is very annoying. I’d much rather come in early for coffee or grab coffee after my last meeting. And then the person should put the time on my calendar.

If this is external, same situation but honestly, and this is obviously context dependent, I appreciate people asking me for a drink. Because at least let me get something out of this! — Anonymous

Online networking is a thing, too

I hate networking so much, but I love crossing off things in my to do list — so I just keep a list of people I can network with and count shooting them an email or text as networking. LinkedIn is the worst place ever, but even celebrating someone’s accomplishments or promotion counts as networking. Literally the most basic thing to make them think of you is networking — so I guess what I’m saying is, don’t overthink it.

I have gotten 0 jobs from cold applying — it’s all networking and even failed interviews where one opportunity didn’t work out, but that person thought of me again later! — Katherine Foley

The day before

Prepare like it’s an interview. Obviously you don’t have to like.... study, but per the original incident that spurred this, don’t show up all “sO wHaTs YoUr JoB?” Come with a few informed questions/talking points; know what you’re hoping to get out of it. — Kira Bindrim

What to wear?

Phoebe’s advice that I think about always is make sure you have one piece of clothing or an accessory that stands out if you’re in person. You don’t want to go over the top, but cool glasses or shoes or a scarf can be like a way someone remembers you. — Katherine Foley

Wear something noticeable — a broach, pair of earrings, a colorful blouse. It makes you stand out, it gives people something to comment on to strike up an easy conversation, and it makes you memorable. It honestly works wonders. Hat tip to Cat Gates, founder of The Set for this wonderful piece of advice. It has forever changed how I dress for networking events. — Penelope Jones

When you arrive at a networking event

The first thing you do when you arrive is to go to the bar and order two drinks. One for you, and one for an imaginary friend. Then, if you get stuck in a conversation with someone and feel yourself running out of steam, or get cornered by someone who is blocking you from getting what you want from the event, you politely excuse yourself to go and deliver the drink to your friend. It is a neat piece of scaffolding for the people pleasers among us who don’t feel comfortable (yet) bringing a conversation to a close. — Penelope Jones

While you’re talking

This is context-dependent, but I would say err on the side of not having a specific ask in the first meeting. If it’s your boss’s boss, this is probably not the time to ask about a raise, though maybe you CAN ask about career pathing in the abstract. If this is a former colleague, don’t ply them for favors or intel to the point that they feel used, etc. Don’t let your networking short game become the enemy of your networking long game. — Kira Bindrim

If this is the kind of event where you’re milling around with lots of different people, ask light-hearted but genuine questions you have about their areas of interest. I once struck up a conversation with a new coworker at a happy hour by asking her why prehistoric animals were so big compared to their present-day versions (see: prehistoric rats). I knew she liked writing about animals from time to time, but had no idea if she’d have thoughts on this subject. It turned out she had lots! I think people get bored having the same routine conversations over and over, so letting the random queries that pop into your head out into the open is a good way to get everyone (yourself included) to loosen up. — Sarah Todd

Also, if someone is unfriendly at the event or spending a lot of time looking at their phone or whatever, just make up an excuse and move on. There’s no point in wasting your energy on someone who’s not receptive for whatever reason; you’ll both just have a bad time! — Sarah Todd

What’s the point of networking?

A network, haha. I don’t mean that facetiously! But I think remembering that’s the real goal. I’m sure we’ve all found that as you get older the professional world gets smaller (admittedly, this is also because our industry is shrinking, but...NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED). Someone new joins your company, you’ve worked with them before. A job opens up, you have the perfect person in mind. A different job opens up, you happen to know three people in that newsroom. Some of that happens organically, but your ability to capitalize on it is very much dependent on the work you put into developing professional relationships.

Also, it’s interesting that the power dynamics flip. Someone I’m senior to today could easily in the future be in a position higher than the one I’m going for. You just never know. — Kira Bindrim

After the chat

Follow up. Let the person with whom you chatted know how you got on. Drop them a brief note: Did you end up connecting with so-and-so, who they suggested? Did you end up taking that job or moving to that place or launching that project? — Mary Hui

One person reached out to me via email to ask something about using data in opinion journalism because she recently got into a similar role, and we scheduled a call for about half an hour because we were not in the same city. Nothing was specifically notable. It was cordial. I guess I was helpful but not too much because of the different organizational structure. What surprised me was that a few days after the call she sent me an e-gift card through this app (Coffee On Me) essentially with about $20 that I can use at many retailers. I don’t think it was necessary at all, but I still appreciate the extra effort which definitely left me with a good impression… I was bought! — Youyou Zhou